I hear from parents all the time: “How do I handle the Homework Struggles?” Here are some tips for winning this battle at home:
First things first…before starting a better homework routine and getting results, set up the right conditions to ensure success:
1. Select a quiet space. Kitchens are great for younger kids- you can watch over them… make sure they’re staying on task… and you’re there to help and prod if they need it. But beware, kitchens have some drawbacks. Watch for for these distractions: sounds, movements of other people, the smell of food… some kids do fine with screening all that out while others need a quieter, more private space to do their homework.
2. Don’t give away rewards until they get some homework done. All electronics and screens should be off limits until they get through their work. Nobody can easily switch from fun entertainment into difficult work. If you find your kids rush through homework and are sloppy just to get to their rewards… check the quality and send them back.
3. Sometimes brief outdoor play or brief rest and snack before starting homework helps. Outdoor activity in particular sharpens senses, recharges mental energy, and helps keep body movements down.
4. Consider letting your child stand while doing homework. for boys especially, we find that engaging those lower leg muscles seems to help keep them stay focused. Sitting long periods of time is difficult. And frankly, long periods of sitting are not healthy for anyone. Try it yourself. Read the morning paper while standing and having your coffee. You’ll get a sense of why this might work for your child too.
Now with the stage set, The Program:
1. Start small. Don’t expect an hour of homework (even if the teacher tells you that is the expectation). If you can get a good 10-20 minutes out of your child, that’s a great place to start. Let them take brief motor breaks and then return. You can increase the time sitting and focusing over a few weeks or months. The goal here isn’t to get everything done – all worksheets finished all the time. The real goal is to slowly condition your child to hunker down and focus on schoolwork outside the classroom. That’s the skill they will need in the real world.
2. Make it their choice. Tell your child it’s their choice to comply or not. You can’t force them to do their homework. Tell them they can choose to walk away from homework that afternoon, but the consequence they are choosing is to lose all electronics/screens, or scheduled play dates, or sports… and frankly that’s ok. You won’t nag them or be angry. It’s their schoolwork, not yours’. Don’t let this become personal. Stay clear away from charged arguments between you and them. That never helps.
3. Stick to the plan. Many parents who don’t get immediate success with this program think it won’t work. It works great, it takes several days… maybe even a good week or two before things turn around. You have to follow through and make certain that the consequences are delivered. You have to remain calm and in control. I know one parent who puts it this way. “If you want to give up your homework today, that’s your choice. You can talk with your teacher about why you decided not to do it. The rule is you spend a quiet day in your room with no electronics/screens. I won’t be mad. Then tomorrow, you can see how that worked out for you – how you felt about it – and see if you can figure a way to do this differently.”
4. Don’t get into long drawn out battles or lectures about homework. Don’t make it emotional. Keep in mind you’re building a positive work-ethic, slowly, piece by piece. You’re also helping your child to own their own decisions and directly feel the consequences they bring.
5. Keep parental anxiety in check. Parents get nervous that their child will fall behind if they aren’t getting all their homework done or if they see a slip in grades. Think long-term. Your child may need to experience a decline before they decide to put in more effort.
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